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10 tips for the next government shutdown

1. KonMari declutter your home.

2. Watch Fox News all day.

3. While spending more time with the kids, use the shutdown as a teaching opportunity.

4. Find out why, when Fortune 500 executives leave their companies to “spend more time with their families,” they’re lying.

5. Create and post hilarious YouTube videos of you pranking bill collectors when they call.

6. Eat cake.

7. Get in touch with God.

8. While you’re connecting with God, thank Him you’re not designated as “essential personnel.”

9. Indulge your lifelong passion for winter gardening.

10. Explore your options.

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