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88 Lines about 44 Coviders

(Sung to The Nails’ “88 Lines about 44 Women”)

Jeffrey Denny

Updating, reflecting and respecting the original song:

Deborah is a Covidphobe,
She wears a face mask in her home.
Charlie is a different type,
he still believes it’s all a hoax.
Mary is a jogging gal,
pedestrians are mad at her.
Robert is a Charmin hog
who sells it for a buck a roll.

Travis is a scaredy-cat,
who bathes in gallons of Purell.
Cathy is a Jesus-freak,
who still goes to her mega-church.
Johnny has this special way
of thinking somehow he’s immune.
Sarah fully understands,
she lives her life and keeps it strong.

Jamie is an archetype,
who goes with what is going on.
Sally thinks that men are dumb
and why they’re dying most of all.
Patty hates the feminists,
she thinks they’re hoping men will die.
Belinda’s point of view is this:
Guys will whine when barely sick.

Freddie is a Trumpy guy
who likes to blame the media.
Karen wonders why her dog
is seeming so much happier.
Kenneth has a tennis game
he cannot play on shackled courts.
Beatriz, she flouts the rules,
’cause no one tells her what to do.

Gloria the ER nurse
was shattered by her test results.
Mimi said it’s not the flu
you likely have the Covid now.
Donald T. who’s not too smart
has no respect for scientists.
Gloria came and went so fast,
she didn’t even say good-bye.

Well, Rhonda has a country house,
and lives on gourmet Instacart.
Clooney has a Como place,
where Covid never was but is.
Linda’s quarantining life
is better due to alcohol.
Her loyal mate was gaining weight,
and decided not to drink at all.

No fun!

Pauline thought that love was simple,
then she found she had too much.
Her loving man is so complex,
he clips his toenails in the sink.
Gina is the perfect dame,
keeps her Chanel sweatpants clean.
Jackson’s a Millennial,
says “this is being done to me.”

William is a modern dancer,
he gives compelling online classes.
Phillip writes bad poetry,
he never had the time before.
Tanya likes to sext her “friend”
who makes her naughty pictures viral.
Brenda’s miffed her grocery store
lacks certain fruits and vegetables.

Rowena is an artist’s daughter,
she always suffers more than most.
Brian’s mother left his father,
moved into the TV room.
Debbie-Rae denies her feelings,
like in a Norman Rockwell home.
Nina sixteen had a baby,
her mother searched “midwifery.”

Bobbie joined a post-punk band,
and changed her name to Covid Riot.
Benjamin who plays guitar,
sings songs about dystopia.
Terri doesn’t give a s**t,
she’s just a MAGA nihilist.
The Nails are really more my style,
their famous song inspired this.

Jonathan, he works at home
he’s used to this, it’s normal life.
Dinah drove her Subaru
to Lilith Fair that wasn’t there.
Sebastian wouldn’t Chloroquine,
’cause he’s a Scientologist.

Dr. Fauci here’s a kiss,
It’s you I chose to end this list.

Jeffrey Denny is a Washington writer.

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