Merriam-Webster: “A theatrical mask from the 1st century B.C.E. ‘Hypocrite’ comes from the Greek word ‘hypokrites’, which means ‘an actor.’”

… And the Hypocrisy Lifetime Achievement Award goes to …

You’ll never guess

Jeffrey Denny

Everyone is a hypocrite.

I am. Sorry, you are too.

We all fall short of our moral standards, beliefs and proclamations sometimes, then rationalize excuses for ourselves, even as we hold others to account when they fail.

Calling anyone a hypocrite is the height of hypocrisy.

So call me a hypocrite, but when it comes to pharisaicality on a historic national scale, it’s hard to beat today’s Trump-infested, morally bereft, principles-, platform- and policy-free, MAGA-fearing and -fooling Republican Party.

As a Democrat, I wish my party was so proudly shameless.

Imagine. Women would be safe from government reproductive diktat. School children and grocery shoppers wouldn’t be slaughtered in a sudden spray of bullets. Teachers wouldn’t be gagged or libraries stripped. And America wouldn’t dragged down by the rise and reich of ignorant, hateful Trump trolls, troglodytes and treasoners.

Let us count the ways the Republican Party has earned the Hypocrisy Lifetime Achievement Award.

They hate the Supreme Court when it rules against them.

They say our highest court is supposed to be fair and balanced, like Fox News, above the petty politics of the day.

Yet Republicans love when their dear leaders, disgraced former President Donald Trump and Senate Squalid Leader Mitch McConnell, grin triumphantly as they rig the political process and pack the court to rule for their petty politics.

They hate the “liberal” colleges and easing of student debt for the elite liberals.

They also hate affirmative action when colleges need it to ensure fairness and diversity in their student bodies.

Yet many Republican political and media elites graduated Ivy and other costly elite private colleges they affirmative-actioned into via family legacy, connections and lavish contributions and got a free ride after elite prep schools. They have no student loans. They fight for the same elite educational privileges for their kids, and onward it goes.

They hate non-white immigrants and “liberal” immigration policies that let them in.

They also lie that immigrants are voting illegally, knowing MAGA racist fools will lap up lies they believe in.

Yet Fox “personalities” and other wealthy Republicans depend on the hard-working cheap immigrant labor to clean their mansions, tend their pools, blow their leaves, sculpt their topiary, and work in their factories, warehouses and farms.

They hate gun control

They claim the Constitution allows everyone to amass unlimited arsenals of crowd-killing weapons and open carry anywhere, at any time, even if more people have to die in gun killings.

Yet they never seem to live in places where their lax gun laws and ensuing flood of cheap weapons slaughter innocent people and children. How many mass shootings by whack-jobs incited by right-wing hate and sick conspiracies occur at Republican country clubs or gated communities?

Republicans tend not to live in poor city neighborhoods. They don’t shop at the Tops grocery store in East Buffalo. They may love Jesus and send pious thoughts and prayers, but they ignore the blood on their hands and, thanks to Fox, find a twisted way to blame the Democrats and the factual media.

We get it. First Lady Melania Trump’s Zara jacket, which she wore to visit immigrant kids, said it all: “I Really Don’t Care, Do U?”

They hate when schools teach real American history

Including simple facts about our racial legacy that reverberates today.

They helicopter their fragile snowflake kids, worried that teaching our history of white hate will make their kids hate themselves, when the kids might mostly hate their racist parents for censoring the truth.

Yet wealthy Republicans send their kids to elite private schools that teach real history, like Senate Hypocrisy Leader Ted Cruz does.

They hate LGBTQ+ activism

Yet they certainly have LGBTQ+ family members who have suffered and are fighting hate. Thanksgiving can’t be easy.

They hate voting rights for non-whites

Yet they whine when their gerrymandering and voter restrictions still didn’t turn out enough whites to reelect Trump.

They hate workers’ rights

Yet they depend on workers in order to avoid awkward investor-analyst calls when their earnings fail to meet expectations.

They hate Socialism

Yet they love when government redistributes wealth to them, like Trump’s massive tax breaks did.

They hate government

Yet their companies depend on government for contracts, infrastructure, and a host of other needs.

They demand tax relief with budget cuts to starve the wasteful government, then complain that government doesn’t work.

They hate government regulations

Yet they demand regulations that screw their competitors, seeking to win in Washington when they lose in the free market they love above all.

Like when the dairy industry demanded that government censor the nut-milk industry from calling their product “milk.”

They hate Democrat political corruption

Yet they love when their Supreme Court lets corporations flood political campaigns with secret millions and buy politicians.

They hate Washington

Yet they infest the city with lobbyists, spinners and political consultants to fight for regulations and special breaks that average taxpayers pay for.

They hate “the mainstream media”

Yet they love America’s #1 source of news and opinion for more than a decade, Fox News. If dominating broadcast news isn’t mainstream media, then what is?

They hate “the liberals” for being sheep of the “liberal media”

Yet they believe and re-bleat whatever they hear on Fox News.

They hate the nonwhite poor

Yet they love their poor white MAGAs.

The Trump GOP riles, uses, and needs MAGAs for political power. But you never see a MAGA at Mar-a-Lago or any of Trump’s “iconic golf properties.”

They “hate racism”

Yet they look away, let it slide or blame the victims when their media, politicians or their former president inspires and incites white supremacists, antisemitism, and general hate against nonwhite non-Christians.

Don’t you dare suggest that being Republican is condoning racism. Not all Republicans even care about Critical Race Theory or the Great Replacement Theory. Many don’t care about race whatsoever.

The GOP is a big-tent party. They’re so diverse, equitable, inclusive and accessible they even welcome bigots and other haters if it empowers them.

“A hypocrite,” Adlai Stevenson said, “is the kind of politician who would cut down a redwood tree, then mount the stump and make a speech for conservation.”

In today’s Republican Party, that wouldn’t be hypocrisy — it would be brilliant because it would trigger the libs and leave them sputtering, speechless. Which really is the only platform the GOP has.

Jeffrey Denny is a Washington writer.

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Jeffrey Denny

Jeffrey Denny

A Pullet Surprise-winning writer who always appreciates free chicken.