Sep 15, 2020
Anxious about panicking? Ask your doctor about Moretrump®
Results may vary
Jeffrey Denny
You’re anxious. Scared. Feeling constant panic about America.
Worst of all, you’re worried that you’re worried about the wrong things. Like Covid-19, California fires and racial injustice, instead of rioters, looters and low-income housing coming to your suburb.
If you can’t decide what should keep you up at night, ask your doctor about Moretrump®
Moretrump® is a prescription medication that helps you scoff at actual threats, such as deadly global pandemics, while you panic about fake dangers trumped up to give a terrible president four more years.
Like Joe Biden being a puppet of hard-left Socialist ideologues and putting AOC and The Squad on the U.S. Supreme Court. Opening borders to caravan hoards of Mexican immigrants bringing drugs, crime and rape. Medicare for all. The Green New Deal. Black Lives Matter burning down cities and saying you’re racist because you’re white. Language police cancel-culturing your First Amendment right to say hateful mocking things about women, LGBTQ+ and people of color.
Moretrump® is not for everyone. Side effects may include confusion, disorientation or disinterest in what is true. Resistance to science and facts you don’t believe in. Inability to apply logic, reason and rational thought. Gullibility to obvious lies and propaganda. Feelings of white supremacy. Hostility toward people who do not look or think like you. Or suicidal thoughts about America, democracy, unity and decency by reelecting the worst president in history.
You may also exhibit abnormal and risky behavior such as ignoring a deadly pandemic and attending a presidential rally without a mask, leading to headaches, dry cough, high fever, difficulty breathing and even death from catching Covid-19 at a presidential rally.
Do not take Moretrump® if you’re allergic to Moretrump®, or while operating heavy equipment such as voting machines and mailboxes. Use only as misdirected to rig the vote.
Moretrump®. So you worry about the right things.
Jeffrey Denny is a Washington writer.
