Bring on the Marxists!
It’s a right-wing article of faith that the Biden-Harris ticket completes the radical left’s putsch of the Democratic Party.
The Democrats are now officially the “Marxist Party.”
Democrats claim Biden is a “moderate.” But he’s merely a feeble-minded marionette of the hardcore America-hating leftists led by Kamala Harris, Bernie Sanders, Elizabeth Warren, Nancy Pelosi, The New York Times, Rachel Maddow, AOC and The Squad, Antifa, Black Lives Matter, what’s left of MAD magazine, and Nickelodeon’s Dora the Explorer, an avowed internationalist.
All masterminded by George Soros. (Actually, his brain is masterminding from a jar of formaldehyde since he passed centuries ago, according to QAnon.)
Bottom line, the only thing standing between America and Marxism is President Trump and his reelection.
That’s right: If Trump loses, America will be Marxist.
Seems like a win-win to me.
From what little I know about Marxism, maybe it’s not as horrible as Trump and his fellow travelers desperately make it out to be.
Sure, “dialectical materialism” sounds scary. And if you dwell on the negative, Marxism has achieved a lot of bad things. Heck, capitalism is no St. Teresa of Calcutta either. Don’t get me started on Trumpism.
In any event, since rampant mail-in voter fraud by the liberals and their minorities and immigrants will make Marxism inevitable when the Democrats steal the election from Trump, I say we sit back, relax, and enjoy the upside:
We all get to wear the same outfit every day.
We’re already all wearing blown-out sweatpants and Walkathon tee-shirts during the Covid anyway. So let’s make drab, baggy, unisex “work clothes” the official uniform of the PRA (People’s Republic of America).
Beyond the Covid, we’ll never again have to stand in front of the closet trying to figure out what to wear that still fits. While all the decent clothiers have gone bankrupt.
Best of all, no more ridiculous fashion industry! No more irritating social media influencers! No more excuses for bosses who see anything less than a Handmaid’s Tale outfit or burka as a come-on to sexually harass! And no more immature guffawing at T.J. Maxx promotions that say, “Ladies’ skirts half off.”
The living is easy.
What could be better than, “From each according to his ability, to each according to his needs”? Which means no worries about work or money. Everything’s free — free free free — if you need it. Food. Housing. Healthcare. College. The latest iPhone.
It’s like being French. Or a college grad back home living disdainfully off capitalist parents because nobody’s hiring gender studies majors. La vie est belle!
No more political stress.
The bitter arguing over Trump’s racist, divisive, disastrous presidency is tearing the country apart and ruining the internet.
How better to cease this uncivil war and reunite the nation than to force everyone to believe and say the same thing? Such as (strong hint) whatever the president tells us to?
Nothing would put the unum back into e pluribus unum better than making dissent a crime.
Law and order!
You want a Police State, Trump fans? Where secret jack-booted government thugs can storm public places, round up peaceful protesters exercising their free speech and assembly rights, and blast them with pepper spray, rubber bullets and flash bombs?
Nobody does that better than Marxists. Check out Hong Kong.
Homeland Security tries its best, but Marxists eat so-called Constitutional rights and rule of law for breakfast. Just declare martial law and voila! Dissent and dissenters disappear.
We can also end the tired debate over gun control because, just as the NRA promised, the Marxist jack-booted government thugs will take all the guns away from everyone, including criminals who got them due to lax gun laws.
No more fake news mainstream media
Fox proved you can be America’s number-one news source by serving as the president’s Pravda.
Many Americans apparently prefer an official state media staffed with political sycophants praising our Dear Leader and spouting the party line. These patriots don’t appreciate independent professional journalists who attempt to report the facts objectively and hold the president accountable like our Founders hoped.
Under Marxism, the free press quite literally will be the enemy of the state, not just what people shout at Trump rallies.
No more religion
It can be awkward being a good, Jesus-loving Christian and sending prayers when kids are slaughtered by assault weapons, while also worshiping a president who does everything Jesus says don’t, spreads hate against the nonwhite poor, thinks he’s above the Ten Commandments and desecrates the Bible. Talk about the higher mind functioning with cognitive dissonance!
By outlawing religion, Marxism surely will be a blessed relief to the fake pious.
No more 1%.
C’mon, working Americans, admit it: Nobody really likes billionaires with their five mansions, luxury yachts, tax cuts just for them and reality TV shows about their lavish lifestyles and special problems.
Marxism promises to even things out. For example, people who attend Trump rallies and as taxpayers, help finance his $140 million in golf outings at his resorts, will be able to golf at his resorts.
There’s nothing inherently evil about a free market economy, as some Marxists claim.
Even more than creating jobs and promoting innovation and entrepreneurship, capitalism promises that anyone can be rich like Trump if you’re as smart and hard-working as he is and also inherited $400 million. Just like jihadism promises heaven with a gaggle of saucy virgins if you martyr while slaughtering infidels. (Results may vary.)
Many Americans are uncomfortable, however, with the lying, cheating and swindling it can take to get rich like Trump, also known as “The Art of the Deal.”
Is Marxism perfect?
Of course not. No system is. But I’ll bet if a Marxist government tells you to wear a mask to avoid spreading a deadly pandemic and further destroying jobs and the economy, you’ll wear the mask. I’m definitely down with that.
Jeffrey Denny is a Washington writer.