Covid Halloween ideas
Trick or threat
Jeffrey Denny
Why is Halloween the perfect Covid holiday?
The masks, silly!
But many over-caring “helicopter” parents worry about infecting their kids, spreading the pandemic, and appearing to be Covid-denying Trump lovers by going trick or treating.
It’s almost as dangerous as sending the kids back to school to catch the Covid and spread it around to other kids, families and teachers because the kids are driving you to Ativan with their at-home Zoom classes, algebra questions and constant mere presence.
But there are ways to Halloween safely this year and still have fun:
1. Instead of sending the tykes around the neighborhood door to door like little Super Spreaders, stop at the nearest Walgreens for a Halloween bag of fun-size M&Ms, Snickers and Skittles. At $13.99 for 55 pieces, it’s a sweet bargain compared to a $50,000 Covid hospital stay.
And while you’re at Walgreens, get a Covid test.
2. Buy one of those red inflatable full-body costumes (eBay, $15.75), stick dozens of toy rubber darts all over it, and voila! You’re a big scary SARS-CoV-2.
You’re virtually guaranteed to enforce social distancing, and not because of the costume. But your dance moves will go viral on TikTok faster than the Covid at a Trump reelection rally.
3. Get one of those beer hats and replace the cans with the small, 7–11 size Clorox bottles. Also stick a flashlight in your mouth (or any select orifice) so the light shines in. You’re going as Covid-proof!
4. The Propel Flek Micro Drone is only $19.99 at Kohl’s. Make the trick-or treating kids stay out on the sidewalk and buzz the candy to them.
If the kids are way too old to be trick or treating, don’t bother with costumes, and are really just gangs shaking you down for free Snickers, you can dive bomb and scatter them with your Propel Flek Micro Drone with the pepper spray feature.
5. If you love the cute puzzled or disappointed looks on children’s faces or their wailing in frustration when they don’t understand something, toss little bottles of hand sanitizer into their bags. You’ll help them learn that life is not a bag of Snickers.
6. Don’t answer the door because you’re completely “in your cups” by dusk, un-showered for the third day and slumming in filthy boxers just like any normal Covid day. Halloween is a made-up holiday anyway, not like Thanksgiving when you have to cleanse and wear trousers for family dinner.
7. Show up at neighbors that have “Trump 2020” yard signs wearing an AOC or Nancy Pelosi mask just to trigger them. Heck, it’ll be enough to wear a Dr. Tony Fauci mask.
8. Grab a few friends, dress up in BLM tee-shirts or Antifa outfits, and cut through Mark and Patricia McCloskey’s gated community to see if they’ll come out with their guns.
When they do, yell “trick or treat!” and laugh in a friendly way, give them the hug they really need, and hand them fun-size Snickers.
9. If you have hard-core Christian neighbors who want the federal government to impose their Biblical beliefs on everyone, a wide selection of Covid masks honoring the late Supreme Court Justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg is available so you can share your belief in freedom from government intrusion on our privacy and other Constitutional rights for all Americans.
10.For a really terrifying fright, let Senate Majority Ghoul Mitch McConnell ram a Trump Supreme Court pick through Senate confirmation before Joe Biden’s inauguration. Shudder to think!
Jeffrey Denny is a Washington writer.
