Happy Indignant People’s Day
A national holiday for outrage addicts
Many good and decent Americans are indignant that Columbus Day was renamed Indigenous People’s Day.
True patriots are indignant that the PC woke, cancel-culture, critical race theory, elite coastal, anti-free speech, vax-Nazi, Socialist Fascist Antifa libs advanced their communist cultural revolution anti-freedom agenda.
Italian-Americans are indignant their legendary hero was erased like Confederate generals who fought for human rights to enslave other humans.
The Knights of Columbus are indignant. The Catholic charitable organization was founded in 1882 by Irish-Americans, but the Italian “Columbus” apparently tested better than the Irish poet-hero “Bono” who wasn’t born or Bono yet.
As the Knights explained, “In a time when anti-Catholic and anti-immigration hostilities ran strong, the American public embraced this famous explorer.
“We Knights celebrate his holiday, knowing that Columbus gave voice and representation to generations of Catholics, helping pave a path for the diverse society we have today.”
Many woke people are indignant that anyone still clings to Columbus, or Catholicism for that matter.
Imagine how Columbia University must be dealing with Columbus indignancy.
Woke Columbia students should be traumatized by the hurtful name of the elite university they got into despite middling elite prep school grades, few activities of note, and little otherwise that admissions can work with beyond “legacy applicant came from wealthy family alumni donor target list.”
Indignant students should demand Columbia change its name to Indigenous University. Even if only 0.2 percent of the undergrads (11 students) in 2019 were Native or Alaskan, being “allies” can make you feel better about how Columbia was built on the land of displaced and dispossessed Lenni-Lenape and Wappinger indigenous people.
And why aren’t Columbia students demanding that Columbia’s lion mascot, “Roar-ee,” be renamed? As the Colombia Daily Spectator student newspaper proudly reported, not intending to highlight Columbia’s White Western colonist hegemonic roots, “Choosing a lion as the mascot is a reference to the University’s time as King’s College under the British monarchy.”
Meanwhile, Antifa riots against Columbus are breaking out everywhere.
As you see exclusively on Fox News, OAN and Newsmax, places named for Columbus are in flames, from Columbus Circle in Manhattan, to Columbus, Ohio and the 17 other cities and seven counties named for Columbus.
And of course the anti-Columbus violence is out of control in the Protest Capital of America, Washington, District of Columbia.
If you’ve been following Fox, Washington is where violently indignant Trump supporters certainly did not swarm and storm the U.S. Capitol, brutalize police, or burst into, ransack and disgrace the hallowed halls. No way did indignant peaceful rioters chase down the Speaker of the House or even the president’s vice president for not being treasonous enough.
To update the Marx Bros., who are you going to believe — the footage or your liberal lying eyes?
America is not alone standing against Columbus, however.
Protests are also sweeping the country of Colombia, uniting drug lords, coffee growers, carnival goers, and even Colombian stars Sofia Vergara and Shakira.
Science, which the libs love more than God, is also getting on board the Columbus hate train.
For example, the National Weather Service is changing the name of Cumulonimbus clouds—those dense, towering vertical formations of water vapor carried by powerful upward air currents — to Those Dense Towering Vertical Clouds.
It doesn’t matter than Cumulonimbus clouds weren’t named for Columbus. They just sound Columbus-y.
The climate science nerds are onto something, however.
(Even though it’s said you don’t need a weatherman to know which way the wind blows).
Literal names that couldn’t possibly make anyone indignant, not even highly sensitive HuffPo and Medium writers, are not only wokity woke — they’re highly advised by the American Bar Association Committee to Avoid Litigation (although opposed by the ABA Committee to Increase Billable Hours).
Take, for instance, the former Washington R******s football team. Please.
Numbskull fans who scream obscenities and throw $20 beers at your kids, after much considered thought and deliberation, stated that the obviously racist name didn’t demean, it honored R******s, like those Columbus honored with occupying and slaughtering.
The actual real racists, they say, are people who are offended by the racist name. Not racists don’t notice race unless race moves into the neighborhood or protests racism.
Washington football team owner Dan “Bonapart” Snyder, aka “Despicable He,” finally caved to human decency last summer and rebranded the Washington football team the “Washington Football Team,” pending a new name now slated for next spring.
Snyder bought the team from the billions he made as a marketing genius. So you know that interim-naming the team WFT, which sounds like “what the f**k,” and failing to come up with a good not-racist name after two years, is so genius that nobody but a genius would understand.
If I’ve made anyone indignant here, you’re welcome!
Please join me in wishing everyone a happy, restful, relaxing Indignant Day.
Jeffrey Denny is a Washington writer.