Stressing about post-Covid socializing? Try Uncomfortable Furniture®

Resists pesky guests

Sleek European Modernist Sofas®

Sometimes even Design Within Reach is too comfortable.


Our superior Cheap Pine Norwegian Wood bedframes, threadbare beddings, and Swedish Bohus granite mattresses are beloved by flinty New Englanders, nervous Subaru drivers, entitled cyclists, food-sensitive vegans and other superior people.


Stuffed with shredded ballots, our pillows will guarantee your guests are up before dawn so you can discuss over coffee how you believe the 2020 election was definitely rigged against Trump.

Midcentury Repugnant®

Architects once adored the low ceilings, tiny windows, unadorned prison cell design, abhorrent veneered blonde furniture, and suicidal ennui of the split-level, garage-forward suburban tract homes.


Our collection of Sleepless Mattresses®, stuffed with genuine, locavore American petroleum-based foam, are sure to make your guests rue the day (and night!) you welcomed them to sleep over.

Founding Fathers Traditional®

If you’ve been to Mount Vernon, Monticello, Montpelier or other Founders’ homes, you can see from their ascetically severe furniture why the Declaration of Independence and the U.S. Constitution have a cranky tone.

Painful Event Seating®

Whether for a wedding, retirement, forced retirement, forced wedding, or other wonderful celebrations, our rickety cost-efficient folding chairs can make even the last diehard guest nobody knows, such as the cousin of an uncle of a friend of a second cousin’s fraternity brother, leave on account of his chronic L4-L5 back pain.

Caligula Garden Collection®

Choose from our Wrought Iron Patio Seating®, Splintery Adirondack Chairs®, or Midwest Rusty Garage Sale Webbed Lawn Chairs with Spider Nests®.

Unbalanced Home Barstools®

Even better than in the old honkytonk bars, we make the barstools in our Open Kitchen Island Bar® and Remodeled Basement Bar® so rickety that after even one taste of locavore small-batch scotch your guests will fall off and further damage their L4 and L5 vertebrae.



A Pullet Surprise-winning writer who always appreciates free chicken.

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Jeffrey Denny

A Pullet Surprise-winning writer who always appreciates free chicken.