Introducing MAGAzine — truth for the smartest freethinkers
Real journalism for real Americans
Jeffrey Denny
Are you a ride-or-die MAGA who loves Trump more than Jesus, the Constitution, democracy, or America?
Do you hate your fellow Americans who are radical Antifa leftist lunatic enemies of America who don’t love Trump? And you get a kick out of how Trump is punishing them?
Do you love Truth Social posts, Republican talking points, and Fox chyrons that own the libs? You don’t read books because libs write them, yet you want a bit more?
Then you’re smart to subscribe to MAGAzine, the exciting new monthly from The Trump Organization, as seen on Fox.
MAGAzine is not for everyone. It’s only for the best free thinkers who want to know what THE GREATEST PRESIDENT IN HISTORY and his media want followers to believe and repeat.
The inaugural issue of MAGAzine, free if you sign up now for $200 a month forever, includes a gold-plated copy of My Struggle personally auto-penned by President Trump.
You’ll also get a heart-stopping sample of the red meat that red-blooded, red-capped MAGAs love to grill and chew on:
— Hitler Was Not Wrong, by U.S. Rep. Mary Miller (R-Trump). Honoring MAGA’s open mind about the German Führer und Reichskanzler, Miller retracts her apology for saying Hitler was right for observing, “Whoever has the youth has the future.” The rising MAGA star rightfully politicizes the assassination of MAGA youth movement leader and free-speech advocate Charlie Kirk to call for clamping down on free speech that MAGAs don’t appreciate.
— It Can Happen Here, by Stephen Miller. Trump’s deputy White House chief of staff and moral center showcases how the liberal nightmare of fascist government has already begun — and how it ends. (Trigger warning, lib snowflakes: It’s no Portland farmer’s market.)
— Weaponizing Justice Against Those Who Weaponized Justice Against Us, by Pam Bondi. The greatest U.S. Attorney General argues that the Lord’s Prayer and Charlie Kirk’s widow are “weak, wobbly, and woke” when they urge Christians to forgive trespassers. “Dictators who jailed and executed their enemies on trumped-up charges were right on one thing — revenge is a dish best served hotter than hell,” Bondi writes. “Trump justice will be the final solution for the libs who fear escalating, tit-for-tat political revenge.”
— The No-Guilt Immigrant Abuse Diet, by Kristi Noem and Tom Homan. As Trump’s ethnic cleansing is Making America Great Again, it can be sick fun to watch ICE ripping families apart as they kidnap workers and send them away to concentration camps — especially if, prank! they’re innocent. But it can leave nagging guilt for some woke Christians who remember Leviticus, “When a foreigner resides among you in your land, do not mistreat them… Love them as yourself, for you were foreigners.” But that’s fake Bible news, as MAGA’s Heinrich Himmler and Reinhard “Butcher of Prague” Heydrich demonstrate.
— The Art of the Trump Joke, by Greg Gutfeld. The Fox king of late-night comedy, after Trump exiled or executed the other hosts, dives into why the president’s schtick is ROFLMFAO because it victimizes.
— 25 New Ways to Trigger the Libs, by Kayleigh McEnany. The libs tried to disappear the former Trump White House press secretary, chosen for her camera-ready blonde bombshell looks and fast-talking loyalty to Trump. In her triumphant return, on Fox Saturday morning, McEnany speaks her mind with more quips to silence the liberal lambs. (#17, “Puerto Ricans are not American.”)
— Bosom Buddies, by Matt Gaetz. The former Florida congressman and Trump Attorney General nominee, who wasn’t a slimy pedophile like the libs claimed, explains how women from 9–99 can’t resist the president and his martyred brosef wingman, Jeffrey Epstein. The two lotharios merely complied with teen advances to avoid violating the Age Discrimination Act of 1975.
— Woke, the Gift That Keeps Giving, a colloquy with MAGAzine staff writers, Fox and Newsmax story editors, and leading online MAGA influencers. As Democrats remain tangled in their nonbinary socialist underpants, the Trump official state media continues tapping a political gusher rivaling Spindletop. “By doubling down on DEI, LGBTQ, BLM, POC, and AOC, and calling Zohran Kwame Mamdani the future of America, it’s like the Dems love a good hard spanking,” writes OnlyFans BDSM star and Trump whisperer Laura Loomer.
Jeffrey Denny is a Washington writer.
