Jan 4
Loving the GOP schadenfreude smorgasbord
An unlimited buffet of tasty karma dishes
Jeffrey Denny
Every spring, the skies over the quaint Ohio town of Hinckley Ridge, just south of Cleveland, are darkened by a swarm of giant, ungainly and ridiculously fugly turkey vultures.
The village celebrates “Hinckley Ridge Buzzards Day” to have fun and booze, and attract fun- and booze-loving tourists.
The town proudly boasts that the buzzards were first drawn by “the tons of butchering refuse and unwanted game left behind in the great Hinckley Hunt of 1818.”
The buzzards kept coming back to Hinckley Ridge due to animal instincts.
Also due to animal instincts, a different flock of fugly turkeys has descended on Congress to take control of our U.S. House of Representatives.
But far better than gobbling offal, the incoming GOP House majority has spread before us a sumptuous feast of malicious pleasure as they squabble over the spoils of barely gained electoral power.
How could even moral supremacists resist taking naughty glee in the poetic justice of Republican misfortune as the MAGA Caucus — a rough beast of its own creation slouching toward infamy — disrupts, divides and destroys the Party Formerly Known as Grand?
Bwa-ha-ha, we villainously chortle in a self-satisfied way.
Hoist on your own petard, me mateys?
Your best-laid plans of mice and men went awry?
You’re finding that karma is a dish that’s not so delicious when served wicked cold?
Any regrets for years of cynical, anti-democratic, power- and campaign-money grubbing gerrymandering, voter suppression, and suckering resentful White Americans who are not as educated, wealthy and privileged as you?
Any night-sweat Christian mortification from debasing yourselves and your families by bending over backwards, forwards and downward-facing dog pose to spit-shine Trump’s Gucci oxfords?
Any lingering doubt about defending Trump’s Covid denial and resulting needless death count? Or his defiance of law and order, abuse of power, obstruction of Congress, and incitement of insurrection?
Any lessons learned from overfeeding proudly ignorant, racist, misogynist, nativist, anti-Semitic Trump MAGA dregs a steady diet of rotting, fetid carrion in the form of hateful lies? The kind that ignoramuses duly swallow and regurgitate online and which divides families and our nation?
Any reassessment of strategically supporting and leveraging right-wing media broadcast and internet money-grubbers who spread disinformation that fools and hurts believers?
Any remorse for lifting the rock from under which the worst MAGAs squirmed, normalizing sociopathy, defending violent J6 “patriots,” and arming domestic terrorists?
Any shame from shamelessly making America worse — putting self advancement above country, suckering poor MAGAs, and disgracing the Bible on which you solemnly swore to protect and defend the Constitution?
We all know: Yeah no.
You’re sorry not sorry.
Ultimately, the GOP, like Ennis Del Mar/Heath Ledger in “Brokeback Mountain,” can’t quit the MAGA Caucus.
Like Col. Nathan Jessup/Jack Nicholson in “A Few Good Men,” the Republicans want the MAGA Caucus. They need the MAGA Caucus.
The MAGA Caucus has neither the time nor the inclination to explain themselves to RINOs who rise and sleep under the blanket of the very freedom that the MAGA Caucus provides, and then question the manner in which they provide it.
RINOS CAN’T HANDLE THE TRUTH!
Did the MAGA Caucus kill the GOP Red Wave?
YOU’RE GODDAMN RIGHT WE DID!
We love great stories like in “A Few Good Men” when the bad guys get their due.
In the 2022 elections, America rejected, in no uncertain terms, the Trump MAGA-controlled Republicans as bad guys.
The historic question facing today’s Republican Party is simple:
Does it have the courage to defy the craven MAGA Caucus and make America greater? Or will it cowardly cave to the MAGA Caucus and make America worse?
As a horrible person, I hope the GOP caves to the MAGA Caucus for more schadenfreude smorgasbord tasty karma dishes.
Jeffrey Denny is a Washington writer.
