Nancy Pelosi to Joseph Maguire: “You had me at ‘Trump whistle-blower did the right thing’”
As the remarkable Renée Zellweger returns to the toast of Hollywood with her stunning biopic of Judy Garland, her 1996 breakout with Tom Cruise in “Jerry Maguire” has eerie echoes in the Trump “Ukraine, I krain, we all krain” international intrigue spy caper romantic dramedy.
To adapt the best lines from Jerry Maguire:
Acting DNI Joseph Maguire, referring to America: I am out here for you. You don’t know what it’s like to be ME out here for YOU. It’s an up-at-dawn, pride swallowing siege that I will never fully tell you about, ok?
U.S. President Donald Trump: I don’t like black people? I am MISTER black people.
Also U.S. President Trump: I got a shelf life of ten years, tops. My next contract’s gotta bring me the dollars that’ll last me and mine a long time. Shit, I’m out of this sport in five years. What’s my family gonna live on, huh?
Trump to Ukraine president Volodymyr Zelensky, urging investigation into Biden and son: I will not rest until I have you holding a Coke, wearing your own shoe, playing a Sega game featuring you, while singing your own song in a new commercial, starring you, broadcast during the Superbowl, in a game that you are winning, and I will not sleep until that happens. I’ll give you fifteen minutes to call me back.”
Russian President Vladimir Putin (to Trump): Anyone else would have left you by now, but I’m sticking with you. And if I have to ride your ass like Zorro, you’re gonna show me the money. Show me the money!
Trump family, chiming in: It’s a very personal, very important thing. Hell, it’s a family motto. Now are you ready? Just checking to make sure you’re ready. Here it is — show me the money. OHHH! SHOW! ME! THE! MONEY! Doesn’t it make you feel good just to say that?
U.S. House and Senate Republicans (to Trump): You are hanging on by a very thin thread and I dig that about you!
U.S. House and Senate Democrats (to Trump, about his base): Everybody loves you. Pisses me off.
MSNBC’s Rachel Maddow to U.S. House Speaker Nancy Pelosi: How’s your head?
Speaker Pelosi to Maddow: Bubbilicious.
Die-hard Trump supporters sharing trenchant insights online with fellow supporters: I love him! I love him for the man he wants to be. And I love him for the man he almost is.
Die-hard Trump supporters, talking privately to the mirror in the bathroom: Have you ever gotten the feeling that you aren’t completely embarrassed yet, but you glimpse tomorrow’s embarrassment?
Trump, to the countless women he’s grabbed, used, abused, betrayed, denigrated, etc.: I didn’t shoplift the pootie. All right. I shoplifted the pootie.
Americans who still believe in constitutional democracy and holding Trump accountable for abuses of power for personal gain, like our Founding Fathers warned against: In this age, optimism like that is a revolutionary act.
Republicans after going to the mat for Trump and then, sensing political winds, acceding to Trump’s impeachment for obvious high crimes and misdemeanors for their own personal political survival: I couldn’t escape the simple thought that I hated myself. No, that’s not it. I hated my place in the world.
Jeffrey Denny is a Washington writer.