Photo: J. Scott Applewhite, AP/SFGate.com

President Pelosi’s first 100 days

Republicans warned us

Jeffrey Denny

After President Nancy Pelosi took office following the impeachment of President Trump and Vice President Pence, she and Vice President Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez wasted no time in launching the socialist liberal agenda.

Ten highlights:

1. Appointing Hillary Clinton as special prosecutor to fully investigate the ever-widening Trumpgate scandal (treason, obstruction of justice, financial crimes, tax evasion, violation of the emoluments clause, fomenting hate and division, etc.), indict Trump’s co-conspirators, and have Trump walked down his gilded escalator in shackles on national television. “This so-called ‘witch’ can hunt!” Pelosi quipped in announcing the appointment as Clinton laughed alongside.
2. Selecting her cabinet, starting with: Michelle Obama, Secretary of State; Elizabeth Warren, Treasury; Kamala Harris, Attorney General; Ilhan Omar, Homeland Security; Maxine Waters, Secretary of Peace (formerly Defense); Bernie Sanders, Socialized Medicine (formerly Health and Human Services); Rashida Tlaib, Secretary of Cultural Reeducation (formerly Education); Sheila Jackson Lee, Secretary of Reparations (formerly Commerce); and, Greta Thunberg, Secretary of Climate Security and Survival of Earth and Humankind (combining Energy, EPA and Interior).
3. Pelosi also abolished the Department of Agriculture and created a new agency, the U.S. Office of Dank, and named Calvin Cordozar Broadus Jr., aka, “Snoop Dogg,” Chief Administrator.
4. Announcing her White House spokesperson, Rachel Maddow, who pledged to always tell the truth to the press and the American people as she sees it.
5. Appointing Beto O’Rourke “Gun Czar” to lead the Pelosi Administration’s anti-mass shooting agenda. Pelosi also ordered the Virginia National Guard to seize the National Rifle Association headquarters in Fairfax, Va., and arrest Wayne LaPierre and the NRA executive team. The U.S. Supreme Court, quickly stacked by Pelosi, repealed the Second Amendment and authorized the president to impose martial law and send jack-booted government thugs to invade Republican homes and take away their semi-automatic killing machines.
6. Shutting down Fox News and forcing on-camera confessions of treason and incitement by Sean Hannity and Tucker Carlson, broadcast live on CNN, MSNBC, PBS and across the mainstream media. Observers noted Hannity and Carlson seemed less righteously smug in sackcloth and ashes. Pelosi also had the rest of the right-wing media rounded up by the PC Police — now a real thing — and sent to Secretary Tlaib’s Cultural Reeducation camps to learn how to avoid triggering collegiate sensitivities and also sucking up to power for money. The fact-based professional media replaces #1 Fox Network as a source of news and information but not as the official presidential shill.
7. Firing ICE, freeing the children, reuniting families, opening the Mexican border to caravan hoards, and instantly making everyone who crosses a full citizen with voting rights, free health care, food stamps, housing vouchers, jobs that current American citizens want and at a guaranteed living wage, plus free college for liberal indoctrination.
8. Declaring white men a natural disaster. Pelosi then ordered FEMA to round up hard-core Trump-supporting deplorables clinging to guns and religion, and people with immigrant forebears who nevertheless are anti-immigration, and send ’em back to Europe where they can really complain about socialism.
9. Outlawing the Republican Party as the “enemy of the state.” Wealthy, educated Republican coastal elites are being exiled to poor Trump flyover states to live among the less fortunate people they took advantage of for power and money. A hilarious reality show is in the works.
10. Raising taxes 100 percent on the wealthiest 80 percent of Americans so the other 20 percent can live on the dole off hard-working taxpayers, vote blue, double the size of government to create more regulations, and finally Make America Socialist Already. #MASA

Jeffrey Denny is a Washington writer.