President Trump’s Imminent Defeat Playlist
Rockin’ the White House as he tweets at 3 am
Jeffrey Denny
Please have pity on President Trump as he crazily flails in agonizing recognition that his reelection defeat humiliation is all but in the books.
The national polls that overwhelmingly favor Trump being ridden from Washington on a rail could be wrong. As we learned from 2016, polls can be just a schtickle off, within plus or minus margin for error.
Moreover, after four years of Trump making America greater, tens of Americans love him. Many for reasons that are mystifying, disturbing, bigoted, just about money, being fooled by political fright spin about Socialism, irrational, ornery, unsupported by verifiable facts, or otherwise too embarrassing to admit in public to cogent people.
Yet surveys show most Americans believe that reckless, rebellious, racist, Covid-denying prehistoric Piltdown Men in Trump’s base should not lead America’s future through Trump. America is down on both knees praying to the Good Baby Jesus that Trump can’t sucker enough people to squeak out another Electoral College win.
Yes, of course, my MAGA friends, it’s too early and karma-daring for the stupid Socialist Democrat libs to declare an historic landslide victory. And you’re right: It’s not Christian to wish ill on people like you wish ill on those who disagree with you, or thrill in the misfortune you’ve earned by supporting Trump as he suckers you for trusting him while he spreads Covid and takes away your healthcare coverage.
As the Neo-Nazis say, schadenfreude is a dish best served cold with strudel, a biersuppe starter and griebenschmalz on a pretzel bun, with maybe ein bisschen Eierschecke for dessert.
But I digress.
My sources say that Trump, like drunk Nixon in his final hours before resignation, has been wandering the White House late at night, talking to portraits of his 44 predecessors.
“Why why why do you mock me so?” Trump beseeches the paintings, “I’m Trump! TRUMP®! My people say I’m better than all of you! Some of you had slaves! I don’t have slaves! Except for Kayleigh McEnany and every other White House loser and sucker who might die from my Covid. And also Hannity, Tucker and my other Fox besties, Trump Organization workers, and the entire Republican Party.
“But I did more for Blacks than all of you except Lincoln! Right, Abe? Abe? Abe, look at me. Why are you looking away like I’m not here?”
Unlike Nixon, however, Trumps nixes booze. So instead he’s self-medicating with the Spotify playlist Ivanka compiled for his defeat, which he accidentally on purpose or whatever revealed to Bob Woodward while admitting he didn’t care if America died from Covid.
If you haven’t noticed, I don’t like Trump very much, but I have to admit his Top Ten Imminent Defeat Playlist is pretty solid:
10. Joy Division, “Isolation”
“In fear, every day, every evening … I’m ashamed of the person I am.”
9. Gilbert O’Sullivan, “Alone Again (Naturally)”
In a little while from now
If I’m not feeling any less sour
I promise myself to treat myself
And visit a nearby tower
8. Hank Williams, “I’m So Lonesome I Could Cry”
Hear that lonesome whippoorwill
He sounds too blue to fly
The midnight train is whining low
I’m so lonesome I could cry
7. Roy Orbison, “Only the Lonely”
Only the lonely (dum-dumb-dummy doo-wah)
Know the way I feel tonight (ooh yay, yay, yay, yeah)
Only the lonely (dum-dumb-dummy doo-wah)
Know this feeling ain’t right (dum-dumb-dummy doo-wah).
6. Eric Carmen, “All By Myself”
When I was young
I never needed anyone
And making love was just for fun
Those days are gone.
5. Billy Idol, “Dancing with Myself”
Well, there’s nothing to lose
And there’s nothing to prove, well,
Dancing a-with myself
4. The Smiths, “Please, Please, Please, Let Me Get What I Want”
See, the luck I’ve had
Can make a good man
Turn bad,
So please please please
Let me, let me, let me
Let me get what I want
This time.
Haven’t had a dream in a long time …
3. The Police, “So Lonely”
So lonely, so lonely, so lonely, so lonely
So lonely, so lonely, so lonely
So lonely, so lonely, so lonely
So lonely, so lonely…
2. Bobby Vinton, “Mr. Lonely”
Lonely, I’m Mr. Lonely
I have nobody for my own
Now I am so lonely, I’m Mr. Lonely
Wish I had someone to call on the phone
1. REM, “It’s the End of the World as We Know It (And I Feel Fine)”
Light a candle, light a motive, step down, step down
Watch a heel crush, crush, uh oh, this means no fear
Cavalier, renegade and steer clear
A tournament, a tournament, a tournament of lies
Offer me solutions, offer me alternatives and I decline,
It’s the end of the world as we know it
It’s the end of the world as we know it
It’s the end of the world as we know it
And I feel fine …
Bonus track:
Kanye West, “Clique”
Every time I’m in Vegas they screaming like he’s Elvis
But I just wanna design hotels and nail it.
Jeffrey Denny is a Washington writer.
