Season’s Greetings® from the Trumps®
The Most Tremendous Holiday Letter® in the history of holiday letters
Real President Donald Trump
Dear My Beautiful MAGAs:
What a tremendous year it’s been for me as a victimized victim like you.
I can tell you quite honestly that I’m so tired of victimly winning I could use a holiday break from Old Socialist Biden’s persecution of me and you.
All my tremendous candidates for Congress won because of Trump. Except how the corrupt Democrat voter fraud stole all of the elections from Trump like my good friend Karizona said truthfully.
I also beat the Deep State RINOs and their lying corrupt fake media that said my giant Trump red wave, the biggest Trump wave in history, would take over Congress. It turned out that the only red wave was your beautiful red Trump caps waving at my rallies, which were the most tremendous rallies anyone has ever seen in the history of rallies.
My rallies were bigger than my good friend President Xi has in China. They wave red flags there, but not like the red flags when Melania met me. Did you know my good Chinaman friend spells his name X I, just two letters? Very few people know that. His name should be pronounced “ex-eye,” but I’m told by some very knowledgeable people that it’s pronounced “she.” Like in the “She Said” movie about fake liberal journalists who attacked my good Hollywood friend Harvey Weinstein.
But we hate the Hollywood liberals. They love the corrupt Hillary who wanted to be “President She” so bad she colluded with the horrible terrorist Muslims, not the good ones in Saudi Arabia, to kill our loyal Americans at Benihana. But we cancelled Hillary like the Biden woke liberals did to my good friend Harvey.
I also beat Twitter by telling my very good friend Elon, who’s always asking for my tremendous business advice, “You should buy Twitter.” Even though my Truth Social has been beating Twitter because it’s the most truthful and social anyone has ever seen in the history of social media. But Elon came to me begging like nobody has ever begged in the history of begging and said “I need you back on Twitter. Twitter is nothing without you.” I said to Elon, “Ok, Elon, just for you my friend.” I don’t like to see a grown man cry, a tremendous man who put America on Jupiter and made flying cars like in the old Popular Mechanics. And guess what? He fired a lot of people. He got that from me.
I beat my beautiful wife, Melania, the most tremendous wife in the history of wives. She said to me, “Support Dr. Oz. People who watch Fox love Dr. Oz.” I said, “Whatever you want, my beloved.” With all due respect, Melania doesn’t know squat about politics like me. But as Kellyanne used to say, love is thicker than politics.
I beat my wonderful children, Don, Jr., Eric, Ivanka, Tiffany and many other children I took care of like my beautiful candidate Hershel Walker. Don, Jr., tries the hardest to be like me but he’s a tremendous disappointment like all my children, which was a tremendous program that came on during the afternoon that starred Susan Lucci. Susie was beautiful. I knew Susie but not in a Biblical sense, you know I love the Bible and I could have had Susie if I wanted.
I beat Fox News. They used to say, “We love Trump” but I was betrayed like my good friend Jesus. I always knew Hannity and Tucker and Fox & Friends were Deep State Fake News and not really friends.
People are telling me that Fox loves someone else who’s not as tremendous. They’re talking a lot about this Florida governor Andrew Dismukes.
Andy is a close friend of mine. He’s a rising star on Saturday Night Live, which I hosted and delivered the greatest monologue, skits and ratings in the history of SNL.
My good friend Lorne who never heard of Dismukes back when I hosted said to me, “Don’t worry, Mr. Future President, Dismukes will never be as tremendous as you. He’ll only be popular in Florida because they’re not as smart as you.”
Forget about Dismukes. I love my good friend James Austin Johnson on SNL. He does the most tremendous tributes to me.
In closing, I’m a victim like Jesus but I’m not a loser who can’t get a room on Christmas. Melania sent out the most tremendous invites to our tremendous Mar-A-Lago Christmas party and we’re overwhelmed by the respectful regrets. We also respectfully regret that you, my MAGAs, are not invited. As Melania said honestly, there’s no room at the inn.
But I’m still fighting for Christmas like nobody has ever fought for in the history of Christmas.
Donald Trump is a Washington writer.