Why does President Trump get taken to the cleaners whenever he sits down to negotiate with America’s allies, enemies, trading partners and Nancy Pelosi?
He has what poker players call a “tell” — a sure sign of the cards he’s holding. For example, when he blusters, like he usually does, it means he’s got nothing.
Trump also has several tells when he’s making false or misleading claims, which he’s now done 10,000 times in his 830 days in office, or roughly 12 LPD (lies per day).
Trump has proven he really is America’s greatest president since Abraham Lincoln said you can fool some of the people all the time. As for the rest of us, we know Trump is lying when:
1. His thumbs are moving.
2. He tweets in ALL CAPS.
3. Like Seinfeld’s Jake Jarmel accused Elaine Benes, he uses his exclamation points haphazardly.
4. He repeats himself over and over. He knows, like anyone in sales and marketing, when you tell people something enough times they’ll eventually buy it, even if it’s obviously BS. Examples include, “Subway — Eat Fresh,” “McDonald’s — I’m Lovin’ It,” and the old Fox slogan, “Fair & Balanced.” Certainly, some silly truth-sticklers who take the presidency seriously will sputter in frustration and give up. Either way, Trump wins.
5. He declares big stuff that only his hardcore MAGA true believers would truly believe, even if it suckers and hurts them the most. Stuff like the big beautiful wall, best healthcare, middle-class tax breaks, coal jobs, de-nuked North Korea, no collusion, no obstruction ….
6. He asserts the exact opposite of what the facts demonstrate beyond a reasonable doubt, such as “COMPLETE EXONERATION!!!” Out of tragic insecurity he also defies credulity by saying, for example, “Actually, throughout my life, my two greatest assets have been mental stability and being, like, really smart.”
7. Sarah “Slip of the Tongue” Sanders sternly lambastes the White House press corps for having the disrespectful gall to question the president’s clearly ridiculous claims and her lies.
8. Kellyanne Conway doubles down, deflects, diverts and whatabouts to Hillary, the Democrats and the mainstream media — sometimes in the same sentence — with a cheery smirk. As if her internal voice is saying, “I’m Lovin’ It.”
9. Trump’s ventriloquist dummy, who goes by the name of “Sean Hannity,” thunders in spitting high dudgeon about coastal liberal elites before he limos from Fox’s Manhattan studios back to his seven-bedroom, seven-fireplace $8.5 million oceanfront mansion in nearby Oyster Bay, Long Island. If he’s not taking his private jet or chopper to his luxury oceanfront condo in South Florida, or being hosted and toasted at five-star resorts by Washington swamp creatures, Trump-style.
10. The Russians are literally like #lol #rofl #lmao #lmfao #roflmao #hahaha and #смеющийся.
How can you tell when Trump is telling the truth? He declares “FAKE NEWS!!!!!!!!” and “fabricated lies!” when the media quotes him verbatim.
Jeffrey Denny is a Washington writer