Tips for making your election night watch party fun
There’s got to be a morning after
Jeffrey Denny
Polls show nearly 500% of Americans are more spooked by the 2024 election than by Zombie JD Vance Halloween masks.
Election night promises to be even scarier.
The clinically anxious may decide to spend the night hunkered down in media-free silence like that family in “A Quiet Place” avoiding alien creatures that hunt by sound.
Among voters over 50, a nationwide surge in colonoscopy appointments for Nov. 6 suggests that an extraordinary number plan to lock themselves in the basement bathroom without their phones doing prep.
A spike in sensory deprivation tank sales indicates a record number of undecideds will spend the night floating in salt water to de-stress from the 2,000 urgent campaign texts they received every day over the past year.
But for those planning election-eve parties with family and friends to suffer together, these tips can help turn grimaces into grins:
Create festive drinks
Try hemlock cocktails if the returns are trending grim, with an ipecac chaser if they turn around. Repeat as needed.
Put out politically themed eats
For example, McDonald’s hamburders if your crowd loves dictatorship. If they love democracy, try vegan Impossible Burgers.
For mixed crowds, offer both meat and meatless mini-burgers, perfect for food fights instead of fisticuffs when things get heated.
Play party games
Charades, for example, would be a winky reference to the electoral process. Instead of suffering, it can be hilarious to act out “weeping,” “keening,” “gnashing of teeth” and “rending of garments.”
Bonus shots for “self-immolation” or “harakiri” (pronounce properly, heh·ruh·kee·re, instead of like the late Chicago Cubs announcer Harry Caray).
Stage an intervention
Close family and friends are already there, right? Perfect time and place have a direct, heart-to-heart talk with that Fox News addict who doesn’t see how it’s hurting them, their loved ones, and the country.
Make it a president-themed movie night
Avoid the serious factual — thus polarizing — films such as “Lincoln,” “Nixon,” “LBJ,” “Reagan,” “W.,” “Barry,” or “Unfit: The Psychology of Donald Trump.”
Stick with the lighthearted fantasy depictions of perfect presidents who stand up for strong values and democracy such as “The American President,” “Dave,” “Man of the Year,” “Primary Colors” or “Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter.”
Lead a sing-along
As “The Sound of Music” proved, singing always lifts the spirits, even when Nazis are taking over your country.
To end this election night on a more hopeful note, consider the theme song from the 1972 hit disaster movie, “The Poseidon Adventure.”
If you recall, it’s about a luxury liner that was swamped by a tsunami and sank, killing most passengers, because the pompous, bullheaded captain ignored warnings and put money over people’s lives.
The song goes:
There’s got to be a morning after
If we can hold on through the night
We have a chance to find the sunshine
Let’s keep on looking for the light
Oh, can’t you see the morning after
It’s waiting right outside the storm
Why don’t we cross the bridge together
And find a place that’s safe and warm
It’s not too late
We should be giving
Only with love can we climb
It’s not too late
Not while we’re living
Let’s put our hands out in time
There’s got to be a morning after
We’re moving closer to the shore
I know we’ll be there by tomorrow
And we’ll escape the darkness
We won’t be searching any more
Jeffrey Denny is a Washington writer.
