From Snopes.com

Trump beats Lincoln

45 is practically three times greater than 16

Jeffrey Denny

As President Trump says, many people say Trump is the best American president in history, better than even Lincoln.

The liberal media that laughs and laughs about this are wrong, as usual. If you look at the historical facts, the first Republican president would be lucky to shine the shoes of the latest and perhaps last one for a while:

1. Lincoln grew up poor in a one-room log cabin with dirt floors and no indoor plumbing. Trump grew up rich in a 23-room estate. Who grew up better? Bam!
2. Trump raised a lot of Confederate flags; Lincoln lowered them. Trump honors Confederate heroes; Lincoln attacked them. Trump respects our Southern heritage that was built on enslaving people for free labor; Lincoln thought slavery was wrong and ended it. Lincoln stupidly tried to heal the nation; Trump smartly inspires true patriots below the Mason-Dixon Line to keep fighting the Lost Cause War of Northern Aggression. Lincoln was a hater of racists; Trump courageously speaks up for racists. Trump clearly is more open-minded and accepting. Boom!
3. If president today, Lincoln would take away your liberty by requiring masks to curb the pandemic and restore the economy sooner. Trump gives every American the freedom to catch and spread the pandemic as we so choose, extend the shutdowns, and blame the liberals. Trump also frees us from fear of jack-booted CDC epidemiologists in bucket helmets rappelling from black helicopters into Trump rallies to guilt patriotic Americans into wearing masks even if they want to catch and spread grueling sickness and death.
4. Trump wisely reveals that BLM/Antifa is racist when White Lives Matter and Blue Lives Matter and All Lives Matter and MAGA Lives Matter and Covid Denier Lives Matter and Hater Lives Matter too. Cognitively declining Lincoln would have been a sock puppet to the liberal Socialists and their lying mainstream media with their First Amendment-hating PC police cancel-culturing and virtue-signaling against our God-given Constitutional rights to express our troglodytic bigotry, misogyny, xenophobia, LGBTQ+phobia and other hurtful ignorance without being fired or shunned by friends, family and Facebook.
5. Lincoln pathetically had only one wife, Mary Todd. They had four kids but only one survived to adulthood. Trump proudly “had” countless women, including three wives, two (likely all) he blithely cheated on, and five kids. All are quite alive and doing very well.
6. Lincoln’s sole surviving son, Robert Todd Lincoln, served in the Civil War, graduated Harvard Law and ran a successful law practice. Robert Lincoln went on to serve as Secretary of War in the President Garfield and Arthur administrations, and then as President Harrison’s minister to the United Kingdom. Later he became general counsel and then CEO of the Pullman Palace Car Company. In other words, Lincoln’s son decided to serve his nation and worked his way to heading a major company. What a stupid loser and sucker! Trump’s children, Eric, Donald, Jr., and Ivanka, make millions just from being children of the president!
7. Also better than Lincoln’s son, Ivanka along with her Pecksniffian millionaire scion husband Jared, aka, Ichabod Crane, have their own billboard on Times Square. Courtesy of the Republican Lincoln Project, Jared gets to scold New Yorkers that it’s their problem if they suffocate and die from the Trump pandemic. Abe Lincoln could only have hoped his son was as smart and successful enough to be the toast of midtown Manhattan.
8. While Trump’s children are pure as the driven snow even if they sometimes drift (to borrow from Mae West), didn’t Robert Lincoln use his family name to attain his powerful government positions and then enrich himself off the railroad boom at the Pullman company? Wasn’t he the original swamp creature when Washington quite literally was a swamp?
9. People are also asking, why did Robert Lincoln turn down an invitation to join his parents at Ford’s Theater on that fateful night? This is true. He claimed he was exhausted from spending many nights in a covered wagon on the battlefront. But QAnon asks, oh, really? Why didn’t the liberal media investigate?
10. Maybe “Honest Abe” was a star in his day, but he wasn’t star enough like Trump to grab women and do anything and brag about it. Lincoln allegedly didn’t even try to grab women! Loser! Or maybe — wink wink — Lincoln didn’t prefer women?
11. Lincoln’s most famous speech, the Gettysburg Address, was only two minutes long. Weak! Trump rally speeches go on for more than an hour, like a strong man, like Fidel Castro! Lincoln had a crowd of only 15,000 at Gettysburg. Trump draws crowds ten times bigger, even during a deadly pandemic! People are willing to risk their lives and spread the Covid and kill loved ones and shut down the economy and then bitch about it, just to catch a glimpse of Trump!
12. During Trump’s First Inaugural Address, his crowds packed the National Mall, shoulder to shoulder, all the way from the U.S. Capitol to the Lincoln Memorial, according to Trump and Fox News. Let it be known Trump’s screaming, adoring fans were facing him and turning their backs on Lincoln. In your face, Abe!

Jeffrey Denny is a Washington writer.