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Who Said That?

Test your first-rate intelligence

F. Scott Fitzgerald declared the mark of true brilliance is the ability to handle cognitive dissonance.

Which means being able to “hold two opposed ideas in mind at the same time and still retain the ability to function.”

You’re obviously intelligent. Otherwise you wouldn’t be reading this. But in case you wonder, match the following 12 quotes with who said them and see if you can still operate heavy machinery:

1. “My body, my choice!”

a. A pro-choice protestor who doesn’t want government bureaucrats dictating women’s health.

b. An anti-vax protestor who doesn’t want government bureaucrats dictating public health.

2. “Stop vaccine foreign giveaways!”

a. Trumpers who don’t want “our” vaccines going to Russia or China.

b. Trumpers who don’t want “our” vaccines.

3. “Scientists are stupid.”

a. A Covid denier who barely passed high school science.

b. A Covid denier with Covid in intensive care as doctors trained in science try to save his life.

4. “I’m not putting that poison in MY body!”

a. A vax skeptic.

b. A vax skeptic who loves junk food that contains acrylamides, acrolein, heterocyclic amines, oxysterols, polycyclic aromatic hydrocarbons, and advanced glycation end products.

5. “I did my research.”

a. The scientists who quickly developed the Covid vaccines, saving lives.

b. Anti-vaxxers diving into the rabbit hole of internet Covid misinformation and disinformation and sharing it on Facebook, causing death.

6. “I don’t trust Big Pharma.”

a. Bernie libs outraged by skyrocketing drug costs

b. Trumpy MAGAs outraged by free Covid vaccines.

7. “Blue Lives Matter!”

a. Trumpers prior to the January 6 Capitol insurrection that attacked, beat and killed law enforcement.

b. No Trumpers during or after the January 6 Capitol insurrection that attacked, beat and killed law enforcement.

8. “The libs are erasing America’s heritage!”

a. Trumpers who defend the Confederate flag and statues, which stand for violent insurrection to protect slavery.

b. Trumpers who say slavery was a long time ago, let it go, stop dredging up and teaching our racist history to make White children hate themselves.

9. “Cancel culture!”

a. Right-wingers outraged by liberals canceling haters.

b. Right-wingers canceling liberals for canceling them.

10. “Powerful men think women are their own personal playthings.”

a. A female MSNBC commentator outraged by former president Trump’s abusive misogyny.

b. A female Fox commentator outraged by former governor Cuomo’s abusive misogyny.

11. “Guns don’t kill people. People do.”

a. Unschooled Second Amendment experts demanding complete gun freedom.

b. Unschooled Second Amendment experts blaming Black mayors for urban gun violence.

12. “I don’t believe the mainstream media.”

a. Republicans who say the mainstream media always lies because the #1 cable news source Fox says so.

b. Republicans who say the mainstream media tells the God’s truth when it breaks bad stories about Democrats.

Of course, as you knew all along, the answer to all 12 questions is “both.”

Congrats. You’re brilliant that way.

Jeffrey Denny is a Washington writer.

A Pullet Surprise-winning writer who always appreciates free chicken.