Jeffrey Denny

Memo to Republicans:

Are you really serious about stopping another Democrat Liberal Socialist Cancel Culture Critical Race Theory Big Lie Steal Rigged Crime of the Century?

Or are you just performing to please or appease El Jefe Grande de Mar-a-Maga?

If you truly want to win by suppressing the vote to ensure voter integrity, then go big or stay home.

Denying water to parched voters lining up for hours because you closed 99% of the voting sites and removed all mail ballot boxes within 1,000 square miles is, as His Excellency would say, weak! …

Jeffrey Denny

Thank the tennis gods:

When top champ Naomi Osaka pulled out of the French Open press conference and tournament, she supplanted Donald Trump as the perfect litmus test of who we.

Respecting Osaka’s decisions, especially the courage of her openness about the stress, depression and anxiety of doing the post-match pressers (which are a charade stupide, as the French might put it) suggests you’re a decent person. The type sickened by Trump.

Trashing Osaka suggests you have all the tender sweetness of a seasick crocodile, Mr. Grinch. Perhaps your heart’s an empty hole full of unwashed socks, your…

Jeffrey Denny

For sale:

· Ten cases of Georgia Pacific Envision Standard Bathroom Tissue, similar to what is enjoyed at New Jersey Turnpike service plazas, bought online in the early pandemic panic when the local grocer ran out of bathroom tissue, even the gossamer Scott 1-Ply.

· Great Dane puppy adopted on pandemic impulse but now is 6’ 11”, weighs 200 pounds, and barks like the dickens when he’s hangry. He’s exactly like my teen son. They’re a package deal. BOGO.

· Four-volume set of “A History of the English-Speaking Peoples” by Winston Churchill, which I bought and had shipped…

Jeffrey Denny

Dear Cicada Jeff:

The cicadas are emerging from their underground holes after 17 years. My 17-year-old son just emerged from his underground hole (basement bedroom) after one year. He’s now six foot tall and has a lumberjack beard and gravelly voice. His mother is frightened there’s a stranger in the house, and in a sense, she’s right. Will he molt like a cicada?

— Bugged Dad

Dear Bugged:

By “molt,” do you mean change out of the filthy Black Sabbath tee-shirt and jeans he’s worn for a year that Hazmat responders should contain? Probably not.

Remember the old…

Jeffrey Denny

Rhetorical question: Who’s better at something? Someone who hates it, or someone who loves it?

If you don’t know the answer, then avoid the cooking of someone who hates to cook. Unless you love gastrointestinal distress and the proverbial trots.

And who respects and treats something better? Those who love it, or those hate it? For example, tennis lovers keep working on improving their games. Tennis haters play pickleball, the scourge and mockery of tennis.

Now to my point: Who’s better at government, and treats governing with more respect? Republicans who hate it, or Democrats who love it…

Jeffrey Denny

Are you ready to return to a completely mask-free life?

Me neither. I’m not one of those “see and be seen” kind of people, the exhibitionist face-nudists who enjoy being recognized by acquaintances whose names you can’t remember.

Without the masks, at least we’ll know who’s in line at the bank to rob it versus buying a money order.

Full masklessness has got to be better than this to-mask-or-not-to-mask existential abyss. …

Jeffrey Denny

Advice to GOP leaders:

If you won in 2020, but also sell Trump’s “Big Lie” that he was robbed of reelection by widespread vote irregularities, you must do this:

Resign.

Then go home to spend more time with your family. Or stay in Washington to make millions as an influence peddler.

Or, if you wish to continue in office, then you need to demand a new, not irregular election. If personal and election integrity matter to you.

Face it: If Trump’s 2020 vote count was illegitimate, then yours was too.

You were on the same ballot. Your vote…

Jeffrey Denny

MEMORANDUM

To: Republican National Committee

From: Marshland Political Strategies, LLC

Re: Winning America by telling the truth

In the past 20 years, the GOP has lost every Presidential popular vote except one, and that was GW Bush 18 years ago.

Red areas across America are turning Blue. We just lost the House and Senate again.

Forget the narrow margins — without our decades of gaming the electoral system, including our former President’s heroic efforts to manipulate the outcome, we would have lost even bigger in 2020.

The reasons are simple.

As America’s demographics evolve, our reliable white, older…