Gmail gives me what I need

Jeffrey Denny

After 30 years of addiction, I’m ready to quit AOL.

The AOL monkey on my Mac was destroying me.

Friends mocked me. Hahaha, they exclaimed, “You’ve got mullet!” Worse, “Steve Case emailed from his BlackBerry — can he be a billionaire spaceman too?”

Trump-loving family also preferred communicating via Facebook about the stupid horrible America-hating libs like me, but it’s not personal.

Clients wondered whether I’m too old to help them “engage” today’s especially gifted OCD youth that eye-rolls at emails, even those crafted with Hemingway’s sparse and muscular elegance like mine.

With their preternatural wisdom, the youngers…

But enough about you …

Jeffrey Denny

The other day I was staring at my reflection in a pool of water, falling deep, deeply in love, when I fell in.

Deep, deeply, because it was the deep end of the infinity pool on my breathtaking Mediterranean seaside villa I acquired by selling my successful multi-level marketing company to my $25 billion hedge fund.

Actually, I didn’t really “fall in” my pool. I gracefully dove in to demonstrate my Olympic-qualifying diving and swimming strokes to myself.

But while desperately thrashing about, gasping for breath, shouting “help, help!”, I wondered epiphany-like — because I’m wonderfully self-reflective, as…

When Washington’s wealthy liberals put exclusion over inclusion

Jeffrey Denny

Northwest Washington, DC, where I live, is one of the wealthiest and also liberalist communities in America.

The median income and home prices are 4–5 times the nation’s. We have some of the nation’s most exclusive private schools. Most here are not just college grads but post-grads. We work in government, the professional versus right-wing media, and in law, lobbying, politics, policy and communications. Nearly all of us vote Democratic.

Nobody in America is more East Coast political elite; we wear the Trump insult as a badge of honor. But don’t call us “limousine liberals.” …

“Their neighbors called Covid-19 a hoax. Can these ICU nurses forgive them?”

“If could do it all over again, I’d get it. No doubt.“

Jeffrey Denny

This July 4th, a majority of Americans rejected the opening words of our Constitution, “We the People.”

I’m referring the >50% percent of Americans who still weren’t fully vaccinated from the still deadly Covid-19 and variants.

Yes, some were partly vaxxed. Some medically can’t vax. Some lack easy access.

But many have refused because of dubious doubts, outright lies, and unwarranted fears deliberately spread by right-wing “news” and internet bottom-feeders that make money gulling the gullible that their “truth” is the only truth to trust.

A leading vaccine doubt-sower, #1 Fox “personality” Tucker Carlson at #1 cable news…

See you in 2038

Jeffrey Denny

Rest in peace, historic swarm of cicadas.

You made sweet sweet love with consenting cicadas (we assume) then died too soon like Romeo and Juliet in Shakespeare's “Romeo and Juliet.”

As their molted exoskeletons are swept into the dustbins of history and yard care professionals, let us all mourn Brood X and their apocalyptic infestation and devastation of our crops as the Old Testament foretold to account for our mortal sins, starting with gas-powered leaf blowers.

I’ll miss the cicadas’ ceaseless symphony of a billion tiny chainsaws, like the Philip Glass concert featuring minimalist repetitive phrases and shifting…

“You need to see my guy”

Jeffrey Denny

The upside of having a painful, debilitating malady is that you can confirm how much your friends care about you.

The downside of having a painful, debilitating malady is you have to manage medical advice from your friends who care about you.

My painful, debilitating malady is a ruptured disc causing severe lower back pain and flaming agony down the back of my leg. This is known as sciatica.

It’s common. But common, like binge-watching “Friends” reruns, doesn’t make it better. When I can’t walk a block or sleep at night, let alone indulge my regular tennis or…

Hint: It’s not “The Office”

Jeffrey Denny

Congratulations: Your employer wants everyone return to work, back to normal, ding-dong the Covid’s dead.

Maybe you can’t wait. A Ceridian/Harris poll said over 80 percent wanted to return to the office full time. Half of respondents said working remotely isolated them from their colleagues, 36 percent felt it hurt their career and 36 percent said it hurt their mental health.

My internal poll says 100 percent of the people who want to return to the office suffer from hurt mental health.

Maybe they’re so sick to death of their families they prefer getting up at 6:30 am…

Leverage and learn from the pandemic

Jeffrey Denny

If you suffer from post-Covid high-anxiety fear of normal, see a therapist.

I highly recommend Dr. Richard Thorndyke at the Psycho-Neurotic Institute for the Very Very Nervous.

If you suspect he’s fictional, for instance, Mel Brooks in his satirical comedy film “High Anxiety,” you’re clinically paranoid and need help.

Since in any event Dr. Thorndyke probably is slammed with other psycho-neurotic clients, try these six self-care tips:

1. Get off Facebook and Twitter

Our 45th president did, and it has made life a lot less stressful for everyone.

2. Get your own food

Sure, you bonded with your…

Symptoms may include no symptoms

Jeffrey Denny

By now you’ve probably heard about the Ohio anti-vaxxer who testified that the Covid vaccine made her magnetic.

And maybe you’ve insensitively chortled at the mockery she suffered as she tried but failed to stick a key to her neck.

The real Covid vax side effects are no laughing matter:

A tiny brief pinch

I’m an insufferable neurotic who’s anxious about the slightest pain, real or imagined. Forgive me, I had anxious parents. So it was terrifying to use the clunky website to book my Covid shot, and petrifying to anticipate getting the shot.

It was absolutely alarming, frightful, harrowing, hideous, horrible…

Los Angeles Times/Michael Holahan/Augusta Chronicle

Guaranteed to disenfranchise

Jeffrey Denny

Memo to Republicans:

Are you really serious about stopping another Democrat Liberal Socialist Cancel Culture Critical Race Theory Big Lie Steal Rigged Crime of the Century?

Or are you just performing to please or appease El Jefe Grande de Mar-a-Maga?

If you truly want to win by suppressing the vote to ensure voter integrity, then go big or stay home.

Denying water to parched voters lining up for hours because you closed 99% of the voting sites and removed all mail ballot boxes within 1,000 square miles is, as His Excellency would say, weak! …

Jeffrey Denny

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